I started this platform to share, inspire, motivate, and create. Those of you reading this probably know me through social media, but other than seeing countless snapshots and a personal caption under an Instagram photo every now and then, I always think, how well do you really know me? This is exactly what I’d like to change. The bumpy ride of my journey to feeling comfortable started like this:

I was born in Amsterdam and raised in a small village just outside of the city called Oostzaan. Growing up in a small village has played a huge part in helping me to always keep my feet on the ground. As a kid, I spent nearly all of my time outdoors; playing in the street, roaming the playgrounds, or being out and about in nature. I’ve always been one of the guys and I absolutely loved every second of it. Playing soccer, games, climbing trees until it was dark. It didn’t get much better than that.  

My family and I used to spend our summers at Bakkum Campsite in a place called Castricum. It was close to the beach and a total paradise for kids. Around this time, the whole playing soccer thing started to get a bit more serious. I was even selected by the KNVB - the Royal Dutch Soccer Association - which was a big deal, but in the end, I didn’t quite make the cut.

As a kid, I was never really into make-up and skincare. I was definitely aware of fashion trends (which every now and then I’d show a glimpse of at school parties and Christmas), but as soon as those moments were over, the scruffy sneakers and tracksuits were back on.

If you can play soccer as a young girl, then you were kind of automatically popular with the guys. I started dating the cutest guy in school. At the same time, I was scouted for modeling at age 12. I started doing a few jobs here and there, so this is actually when my modeling career began. In elementary school, this became the reason for people to bully me.

The bullies turned everyone against me. Thumbtacks were pinned to my head in the school picture and they used to pretty much ambush me. This went on from my last year of elementary school until my second year of high school. That’s when the bullying was the worst. It was so bad that it got to a point where I didn’t want to go to school and questioned everything I loved to do like soccer and modeling. My sweet parents tried their best to convince me that it was all just jealousy. They told me that I should focus on doing my thing and ignore them or they would “get involved” - but I just couldn’t. This cracks me up now looking back.  

As I got older, I started to spend more and more time in the city. I would go into Amsterdam for the day with my girlfriends to shop and have lunch - this was clearly my “trying to be a girl” phase.

The bullying situation at school pretty much disappeared by itself. Because yeah, that’s what happens. People kind of just lose interest and there’s no fun in it anymore. I remember being 15 years old and sat in front of the TV doing my homework when an ad came on for a show called “The Face”. I jumped up, ran downstairs to my parents and shouted: “I want to be on this show!”

The show followed 20 male and female models through the ups and downs of their careers. It was insane. I ended up being selected, and suddenly there I was, a 15-year-old leaving her school, friends, and family behind to live in a house with 10 boys and 10 girls who were all way older than me. I had the freaking time of my life and that’s when things really started to change.  

When we were filming the show, I noticed that I could just be me. I loved every second of it and actually discovered a really great side of myself. This was my “I’m me and I’m not going to bother trying to change or be anyone else” self. I got on really well with everyone in the show and it was there that I had my first taste of happiness that I’ll carry with me forever. I discovered something that I can now describe as being comfortable.  

It was with this mindset that I pushed through high school. Unfortunately, it wasn’t exactly smooth sailing. I had to redo my final year and ended up in court because I’d spend too much time away from school. But in the end, I managed to get my diploma and decided pretty quickly that I wouldn’t be going back to school any time soon. There was only one thing I wanted to do. And that was jump on a plane.

To be continued…

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Click here to read part 2 of my journey to feeling comfortable.