journal

MY JOURNEY to feeling comfortable - part 3

It’s really true. Slowly but surely, all of the pieces of the puzzle fell into place for me. As much as the pandemic has been a terrible phenomenon, many people have experienced a silver lining - including me. Such as being able to spend more time with family, to less pollution, and in general, just more peace. My silver lining was my early return to the Netherlands.


I had actually planned to move back to the Netherlands in October of 2020, but this ended up being much earlier, in May instead. The COVID-19 outbreak came to light a lot later in the U.S., so I took uncertainty for certainty: I packed my bags and headed to the Netherlands with as much stuff as I could carry. I wasn’t going to end up stuck in my tiny studio alone, not knowing how long I’d be away from my family.


In hindsight, this turned out to be the best decision I’ve ever made. I ended up meeting my boyfriend, Julian, who I’m super happy with. We would have never ended up in a relationship if I was living abroad. Now we’re living together in Amsterdam, with my family around the corner and my friends nearby. This is home, and it’s where I have the opportunity to continue the development of my career. I’ve never been happier.


Everything just seemed to fall into place, even work-wise. In the modeling world, it’s super important to surround yourself with the right people. Just as it is in your personal life with your friends, it’s proven to be super valuable in terms of my career. This isn’t something that happens overnight, of course. It takes time. You make mistakes that you learn from, you slip up, you make the right choices - it’s trial and error. This was absolutely the case for me, too. Sometimes it’s really hard to understand why certain things happen the way they do. And then suddenly, later on down the line, the answer to that question appears. Eventually, we all reach a point where the pieces of the puzzle come together, and my advice would be to enjoy that moment. You can absolutely be proud of yourself for reaching it.


The minute you realize how valuable you are, you shift your energy and attract new people who respect you. But it all starts with you. If you’re convinced of how valuable you are, no one can make you feel worthless.


I’ve also learned to stand still and reflect on the good times and successes instead of always wanting to do better or have more. It’s so important to just drink it in and enjoy life. If you don’t, you’re doing it for nothing and it’s just an empty achievement instead of an amazing memory that you can carry with you for the rest of your life.


Being comfortable has been a journey for me. Deep down, I’ve always possessed self-confidence, but it’s never been easy to believe in it. I had a supportive family and a warm home which really helped during the time that I was bullied and at the start of my career. I doubted myself a lot. From the modeling work, to whether I could handle the stress and life itself. The traveling, the loneliness, the constant comparing myself to others. I pushed myself through the not-so-fun times, but I also got to experience incredible moments, which in turn was super motivating. This is also thanks to my family and the people around me who encouraged and helped me push through. I’m now 25 years old and have already come to a lot of really important realizations. I’ve distanced myself from everything that doesn’t positively influence me, drive me forward or make me stronger. I do my best to stop worrying about things that I have no control over. I truly believe that what is destined for you will find its way to you. Be unique, be you.

Everything is difficult before it’s easy. The meaning of life; that’s something you have to write yourself.



September 15, 2021